Margareta Magnusson gets right to the point: “Let me make your loved ones’ memories of  you nice—instead of awful.” That’s how the Swedish artist turned author opens her recent book, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter.

Yes, this is another book about the joys of de-cluttering—or The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up (the title of another such book, by the Japanese organizational maven, Marie Kondo).

But Magnusson, who reports that she is “somewhere between 80 and 100 years old,” has something more in mind. She is asking her fellow elders not just to pare down their excess possessions, but to face the truth: you are not going to live forever, and, when you die, someone else will have to clean up any remaining mess—and make decisions about every earring, painting, sweater, kitchen pan, and file folder you leave behind. If there are love letters in your attic, someone is going to find them. If there’s a broken garden gnome in your garage, someone else is going  to have to figure out what to do with it.

“I have death cleaned so many times for others, I’ll be damned if someone else has to death clean after me,” Magnusson declares.

“But, cheer up,” she says, “a good death cleaning, or döstädning, as the Swedes say, does not have to be grim.”

Instead, she writes, it can be an invigorating opportunity to prepare for a new phase of life and to share memories with family members as they stop by to help (and, if you’re lucky, take a few things off your hands).

Our Overstuffed Lives

“If you can’t keep track of your things, you know you have too many,” Magnusson writes.

That would seem to describe a lot of Americans. In fact, when researchers asked a nationally representative group of more than 1,100 people over age 60 whether they had fewer things than they needed, more things than they needed, or the right amount, 60 percent said they had too much, says David Ekerdt, a professor of sociology and gerontology at the University of Kansas. At age 85 and beyond, more than half said they still had too many things.

“People are well aware that they have more than they need,” he says.

Just how much stuff do we have? Researchers who have attempted to answer that question have found the task overwhelming, Ekerdt says. In one case, a research team set out to count the objects in 32 American family homes. They counted 2,269 items in two bedrooms and a living room of the first house alone. While they were ultimately unable to account for every object, they did come up with some household averages for certain categories. They found, for example, an average of 438 books and magazines, 212 music CDs, 39 pairs of shoes, and an astonishing 52 objects affixed to the sides of refrigerators.

Ekerdt’s own research has looked at how hard people work to rid themselves of excess possessions as they age. One key finding: people in their 60s and 70s are less likely than people in their 50s to clean out, give away, donate, or sell household items. People in their 80s and beyond are even less likely to do anything to lighten their material loads. It’s possible, Ekerdt says, that people have finished all their cleaning before they reach their later years, but the fact that so many elders feel they still have too much argues against that interpretation.

Decluttering professionals say there’s no doubt that aging Americans are sitting on huge piles of unloved possessions.

“It’s a growing problem,” says Mary Kay Buysse, executive director of the National Association of Senior Move Managers. The group represents more than 1,000 small businesses that help seniors pare down their possessions so that they can move or—increasingly—age in place more comfortably.

The problem stems in part from the housing and borrowing booms of the past few decades, Buysse says. “The American dream was to get a house in the suburbs and fill it to the max.”

And while families do tend to get rid of some things as they pass through life’s stages—shedding the baby gear, the children’s toys, the outgrown clothes, and the outdated electronics of their former selves—at some point, stuff tends to pile up in attics, garages, and basements, in junk drawers, and in jam-packed kitchen cabinets.

And when it all gets to be literally too much? Many people throw up their hands and rent a storage unit, Buysee says, putting off the hard decisions indefinitely.

Why Death Cleaning Is Hard to Do

We have more than we need. And we know we can’t take it with us. What’s stopping us from paring down?

The sheer size of the job is daunting, of course. It requires physical and mental stamina, and declining health is one reason people may never get around to a good downsizing or death cleaning, Ekerdt says.

“There really is a point called ‘too late,’” he says.

Emotional readiness also can be a big factor. “We accumulate things because we have these roles in life. We are parents; we are householders, we have things that help us do our work,” Ekerdt says. “Giving up those things can be a stumbling block. If I give away the roasting pan, am I still the mother?”

Saying goodbye to objects that represent deep values—even if the objects themselves have little value—“can require a grieving process,” says Rosellina Ferraro, an associate professor of marketing at the University of Maryland.

Even things we have never used can hold emotional power, says Julie Morgenstern, an organization and time management consultant and author of Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life. The cookbooks you never cracked open, despite your vows to eat better; the fashionable dress you never wore because the right party never came along; the still-shiny tool set; the abandoned sewing machine.

“Letting go of those things means accepting giving up on those goals,” Morgenstern says.

If you really are not ready to do that, then now is the time to “read those books, cook those meals, do those sewing patterns, and, by gosh, enjoy them,” Ekerdt says.

But if you are ready to let go of some things, you may face other obstacles. The biggest may be learning that no one else wants your old stuff. That includes your grown children. Today’s young adults are not very interested in mahogany furniture and fine china, Buysse says. “They have a more minimalist mindset,” she says. “They can go to Target and outfit a whole kitchen for $200.”

And with so many retirees now trying to downsize at once, even charities have become pickier, Buysse says. People who attempt to sell things online and at yard sales, auctions, and consignment shops often are disappointed as well, she says. “A lot of people are just crushed by the fact that their stuff is not worth anything.”

But once people accept those realities and get down to work, most can find a way forward, Buysse says.

“It can be an uplifting journey,” she adds. “It does not have to be about loss. It can be about the future.”

How to Get Started

“Before you touch anything, you want to get into your head a motivation,” Morgenstern says. “What are you making space for?” For one client, she says, the motivation for clearing out a “magnificent” four-bedroom Manhattan apartment was not just a move to a smaller place, but the time and freedom that would give her to play music and volunteer at her old music school.

Then, the experts agree, it’s time to do your research. Tell your children, grandchildren, and others what you are planning, and ask them to start thinking about what they would like to have. Find out which charities will take which things and whether there  is any market for your artwork, silver, or fine furnishings—keeping your expectations for profit low.

Then Get Some Boxes and Trash Bags and…

Whatever you do, do not start with the photographs, Magnusson advises. They stir up too many emotions and take a lot of time to process, she says. (When you do get to the photos, be prepared for your children to insist on digital copies, Buysse says, and to pay someone to do the scanning and downloading for you, if that task seems overwhelming.)

The experts agree that it’s best to start with things that mean the least to you. “Start in a room or a part of your house that does not have much of an emotional attachment,” Buysse says. “Have your plan of attack so that you end up in the most emotional place.”

For some people, that may be a deceased spouse’s closet; for others it might be a garage workshop or maybe a kitchen.

Morgenstern’s advice is only slightly different: she suggests moving by category—books, clothes, furniture, whatever—and starting with the largest volume of items that you care about the least. That will give you the momentum to keep going, she says.

“If you go object by object, you will never get through it,” she says.

The beauty of death cleaning is that it will come to an end when you die, Magnusson writes. Until then, she says, opportunities should keep presenting themselves. What if you are invited for lunch? “Don’t buy the host flowers or a new present; give her one of your things.”

Of course, not everything is for sharing. Magnusson suggests that we do our descendants a favor by putting together a box of items—maybe some of those love letters or other souvenirs—that have meaning only for us. Write “throw away” on the outside of  the box. If you feel less sentimental, good for you, she says. Gather up those potentially embarrassing letters, documents, or diaries and “make a bonfire or shove them into the hungry shredder.”

And remember, the experts say, your survivors may not feel all  that sentimental if you leave them with a mess. They may never separate the treasure from the trash. Buysse warns, “Many families just call for a dumpster, and the kids start hauling things out in black Hefty bags.”

Don’t Skip Your Finances

They need death cleaning too.

When was the last time you updated your will? How about your funeral plan (you do have one, right)? And does anyone besides you know the passwords for all of your banking and investment accounts—or even how many banking and investment accounts you have?

If those questions make you break out in a sweat, it may be time for some “financial death cleaning”—an effort to put your affairs in order and help them make sense to others if you should die or become incapacitated tomorrow.

“We all want to think we are going to live forever or never become incapacitated,” but we can leave a financial mess behind if we do not prepare for the inevitable, says Carolyn Rosenblatt, an eldercare attorney and registered nurse. She and her husband, a psychologist, founded AgingParents.com and AgingInvestor.com to help families and financial professionals sort through such issues with aging adults.

Everyone over age 65 should be planning for the end and for the gray zone of incapacity that often precedes it, Rosenblatt says.

Here’s another suggestion from CAPTRUST Financial Advisor Danny Summerlin: you can simplify your financial information by keeping it all in an online portal, such as WealthView, the CAPTRUST application that keeps track of all your bank accounts, investments, and lines of credit and provides a digital vault for key documents, including insurance policies, passports, and deeds.

“It can be an invaluable resource should a loved one suddenly need to take charge of your affairs,” Summerlin says. You can and should allow account access to someone you trust, he says. Don’t wait for a crisis to set up that access, he advises: “When you are in an emotional crisis, that is not the time to be asking these questions.”

A midlife course correction can be triggered by a seminal moment—a deep pain or loss—or the realization that the current path is leading in unsatisfying directions. For veteran National Public Radio reporter Barbara Bradley Hagerty, it was both.

“I had just sent off a conciliatory email to a listener who was angry about my story that aired the previous day on NPR’s All Things Considered,” Hagerty recalled. “Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in my chest. My breathing became clipped and shallow. Heat radiated up my back.”

She blacked out. Classic signs of a heart attack. But by the time Hagerty reached the hospital, she felt well enough to go home. A lifelong athlete, she couldn’t possibly have a bad heart, she explained to the nurse.

“You’re 53, right?” the nurse replied, as if that number were a medical condition. “I think we’d better keep you overnight.”

In an unimaginable plot twist, her 91-year-old father died during the night, leaving Hagerty contemplating mortality from two angles and confronting the disconnect between her “30-something self-image and 50-something reality.”

Those paired incidents would make anyone take stock. After 20 years covering religion, justice, and politics for NPR—traveling and working as many as 100 hours a week—it was time for a change.

With a book contract in hand and a leave of absence from NPR, Hagerty embarked on a journalist’s quest to answer the persistent questions of our 40s, 50s, and 60s. Is a midlife crisis inevitable? Is this a period of unavoidable decline, career languor, and personal stagnation? Can we flourish in the second half of life, and, if so, how?

For the next two years, Hagerty traveled the country uncovering troves of research and personal stories. She interviewed neurologists, psychologists, sociologists, geneticists, marriage therapists, athletes—in all, more than 400 researchers and ordinary people trying to figure out not just how to navigate midlife but thrive in it.

In the process, Hagerty found plenty of reason for optimism and the science to back it up. Her 2016 book, Life Reimagined: The Science, Art, and Opportunity of Midlife is a hopeful journey through empirical evidence, Hagerty’s midlife experience, and the stories of people who had “cracked the code” of a quality midlife.

“Science is confirming what we all suspected instinctively,” said Hagerty. “There is no such thing as an inevitable midlife crisis.” There is no compulsory slide in vitality, cognition, or fulfillment. In fact, midlife can be an energizing period of renewal and rediscovery. We  just  have to choose the right actions and attitudes.

Accept That Happiness Is a Variable Perception

“In the course of my reporting, I learned that while the stereotypical midlife crisis is a myth, virtually everyone suffers a slump in happiness in their late 40s,” said Hagerty. The concept of the “U-curve of happiness” postulates that in our 40s, we grapple with the reality that we will not achieve all our life’s aims. In our 50s and beyond, we have reconciled that, and our brains become happier.

“I was really grateful to read the science, because I knew the ascent of my career was not as easy as it had been in my 30s,” said Hagerty. If not a midlife crisis, it was perhaps a midlife ennui. “I felt like there was more friction. I had to run faster to get to the same place.

Everything was harder. It was a relief to know that if you just hold on, put one foot in front of the other, the science shows that you will find yourself swooping up the U-curve into a more contented, meaningful place.”

Pursue Purpose Rather Than Gratification

“Researchers are finding that ‘purpose in life’ will do more to make you thrive—physically, emotionally, and mentally—than almost anything else,” Hagerty said. “People who have a reason to get up in the morning do better in every way. They even have the mechanism to stave off Alzheimer’s, or if they develop the plaques and tangles of Alzheimer’s, they do not develop clinical signs. Purpose in life is not a magic bullet, but it’s awfully close.”

Hagerty defines two types of purpose. There are little purposes: hobbies, passions, and  goals, such as learning Spanish, picking up the guitar after 20 years, or, in her case, training to qualify for the National Senior Games in cycling.

And there are bigger purposes, such as rearranging your life to apply your talents in ways that are meaningful to you. “We’re going to live until 90 or 95, so if you retire at 65, you have to think through what meaningful contributions you can make in the decades ahead,” said Hagerty.

Punctuate Your Life

“When you’re young, life has a lot of milestones and achievements,” Hagerty said. “You graduate from high school, from college, fall in love, get married, start a family, a career. But midlife can be like one run-on sentence. There aren’t many milestones. No commas, no periods, no semicolons.”

So create those milestones and memories. Inject your own punctuation.

“For me it was, can I get faster, can I qualify for the Senior Games, can I do a 50-mile cycle?” Hagerty said. “Suddenly, my life was  filled with a series of little goals. I was so excited to have these little achievements to work toward as I worked toward the larger achievement, which was writing the book.”

That two-year sabbatical was also punctuated by a trip down the Blue Ridge Parkway in a rented motorhome with her husband Devin, their golden retriever, and another couple. The trip was at times a comedic trial of rain, a dormant electrical hookup, and getting flooded and stuck. Punctuation doesn’t have to be all exclamation points; it just has to shake up the mundane.

Nurture Friendships

Science also confirms the protective and restorative power of friendships. “The real surprise was how central this is to health and healing as we grow older,” Hagerty said. “Piles of studies show that those with a network of friends live longer, recover faster from cancer, and even preserve their memories better than those with  few or no friends.”

Hagerty and a friend experienced this firsthand at the University of Virginia’s neuroscience laboratory in Charlottesville, Virginia. While in a brain scanner, Hagerty was exposed to the threat of electric shocks (and actual shocks) under three conditions: alone, holding the hand of a stranger, or holding the hand of her trusted friend.

“Omigosh, it hurt like hell; it was really painful,” Hagerty recalled of the shocks. The lesson learned? The threat parts of the brain go haywire when you’re alone or holding a stranger’s hand, but when you’re holding a friend’s hand, those parts of the brain go quieter.”

Is it an evolutionary thing, harking back to our hunter-gatherer days, when a trusted human at your side could save your life? That’s one theory. “The big shocker for me was that friends are incredibly important,” said Hagerty. “At midlife, we tend to shed our friends because we don’t have time, but that’s the wrong thing to do.”

Pivot Rather Than Reinvent

“People who make really smart midlife career changes generally don’t reinvent themselves,” Hagerty observed. It doesn’t usually work out that well when a doctor decides to become an organic farmer, or when the nuclear physicist decides to run a bed and breakfast. It may work out well if the accountant who wants to become a chef has a lifelong passion for cooking. If you’ve been doing something all along, it may not be such a leap to make that your second act.

It’s not about throwing away your talents and skills. It’s about pivoting on them.

It’s about working with your sosein, your innate essence. For example, a retired lawyer who once helped banks foreclose on families now runs a nonprofit that defends families at risk of foreclosure. An overscheduled physician’s assistant now runs a “slow medicine” clinic in Alaska. A woman who developed hospital technology now operates an orphanage in Honduras.

“If you follow what you really love to do—if you pivot so you’re using your skills and passions—you’ll excel because your heart is in it,” said Hagerty. That ardor will pave the way to unimagined opportunity. That’s what Hagerty discovered.

From NPR Reporter to Author

The act of writing the book was transformational. “I had always been afraid to shoot for Plan A,” said Hagerty. “It was safer to stay at NPR, to stay within a structure and write the assignments they wanted. When I got the book contract to write Life Reimagined, I got away from the daily stress—not just the stress of being on deadline, but the stress of not being in control of my life.”

She was now talking to people who had realigned their lives and thought, “Why not me?”

Hagerty knew her sosein. She knew from an early age that she was a storyteller; her sosein was in making people care about good ideas through narrative storytelling. So she pivoted from four-minute radio segments and 800-word articles to a 400-page book and deep investigative pieces for The Atlantic.

Yes, Hagerty is still a reporter, but her mission and work life now look quite different. Now there is the freedom to pursue the stories that haunt or entice her. To explore stories over weeks, months, and years. To potentially change lives by choosing stories that matter in personal ways.

Her Atlantic piece, “When Your Child Is a Psychopath,” went viral. That success enabled her to pitch a story on a decades-old murder case in Dallas. “I talked to DAs, former   prosecutors, detectives, witnesses, jailhouse snitches,” Hagerty said. “I may have found new DNA evidence that almost certainly will show the wrong person has been in prison for 30 years and would be for the rest of his life. This is what I love doing, uncovering the injustice, the wrongful conviction stories. I’m doing it now, and it’s working out.”

That article led to a 90-minute podcast over three episodes on Radio Atlantic. “It has been one of the most exciting, fun things I’ve ever done,” said Hagerty, with a zeal one doesn’t associate with the fourth decade of an arduous career. “I reinvestigated a murder. That’s pretty darned interesting.”

Hagerty is developing more story ideas for The Atlantic. Her days aren’t driven by today’s on-air deadlines. This week she’ll schedule interviews for those new stories, write a speech for an upcoming writing festival, and pitch a six-part podcast series. Life is an ebb and flow of developing new ideas, then diving into the research, travel, and interviews to bring those stories to life.

“When I went for Plan A, other things that I never even imagined have opened up,” said Hagerty. “Just put one foot in front of the other, and the opportunities appear. Sometimes you actually have to get your feet wet before the seas part.” Hagerty has recently been named a contributing editor for The Atlantic.

“I gave up what is arguably one of the best jobs in the world and started my next chapter. My transition may not sound all that dramatic, but it certainly feels that way,” Hagerty says.

“After mom died, Dad quickly started dating someone new. He seemed so happy but I couldn’t help but wonder if his new girlfriend was interested in him—or his money?”

“My aunt seemed to be more forgetful than she was last year when I visited. I became really worried when I noticed a large stack of unopened bills piled up on the kitchen counter.”

“I told my mother several times to say no to telemarketers when they call and ask for money. But when I reviewed her bank statement I discovered multiple checks written out to an organization I had never heard of. It really scared me.”

If these concerns sound familiar, you are not alone. Adult children often worry about their parents’ or elderly relatives’ ability to make sound financial decisions as they age. For good reason, as one in five Americans 65 years of age or older are victims of financial exploitation to the tune of $2.9 billion in damages annually. Unfortunately, only one in 44 cases of abuse is actually reported.

This year the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority—otherwise known as FINRA—took steps to address this issue. On February 5, two new regulations became effective. The first allows wealth managers to put a 15-day hold on an account if they suspect a senior or vulnerable adult is a potential victim of financial fraud or abuse. The second enables them to reach out to a person previously designated as a “trusted contact” to illicit more information and, hopefully, rectify the situation.

Here is how it works. Wealth management firms are now required to ask clients to name a trusted contact and keep his or her email and phone numbers on file. If an advisor has a reasonable suspicion of financial exploitation or is concerned about a client’s cognitive abilities, he or she can reach out to the trusted contact and put a temporary hold on the account in question. This allows the advisor time to research the matter and for the trusted contact to provide data about the client’s whereabouts or well-being.

Similar to signing a HIPPA release form at your doctor’s office, putting a trusted contact form in your investment file protects you should you be unable to do so yourself. Trusted contacts can give your advisor information, but they can’t authorize financial transactions or conduct trades on your behalf. It is a safeguard should a situation arise where your advisor can’t reach you, suspects you may be suffering some memory loss, or has reason to believe you are being exploited by another person.

While no one likes to think about this happening, the statistics indicate that granting your advisor permission to contact a designee in these limited situations is a safe and sound thing to do.

As with any new rule, you may have questions about when and how to select a trusted contact and how best to communicate this information to family. Here are some things to consider.

It Is Never Too Early to Name a Trusted Contact

No matter what your age, it makes sense to take preventative steps for the future. It may be a hard reality to face, but aging is inevitable. By age 75, most people experience some degree of mental and physical decline that impacts their ability to effectively manage their investments and personal finances. Some people experience these challenges earlier. Therefore, being proactive and naming a trusted contact now is wise. If you have aging parents and relatives, encourage them to do the same.

Select a Trusted Contact Carefully

According to the regulation, a trusted contact must be 18 years of age or older, and it is possible to name more than one person to this role. Consider naming an adult child, grandchild, niece or nephew, or a family friend who is financially literate and involved in your life. This way, if your trusted contact is asked to provide insight about your physical or mental health—or any changes in your life situation—he or she will be equipped to answer.

Ask Permission First

Ask the person (or people) you would like to designate as your trusted contact if they are comfortable taking on this responsibility. Don’t be discouraged if someone declines as not everyone has the skills and aptitude for this role. Once permission is granted, make sure you have their most up-to-date email addresses and phone numbers. Also share your thoughts and expectations should your advisor reach out to this person in the future.

Communicate Your Wishes to Your Family

Naming a trusted contact is a great reason to engage the entire family in a money conversation. Start the dialogue by sharing the name of your trusted contact, your rationale for having one, and why you selected this person. Take time to answer any questions your family members might have about who you picked and why you have agreed to take advantage of this opportunity. By proactively engaging in this dialogue, you are sending your adult children and loved ones a clear signal that it is okay to discuss aging as a family. This is a gift that will serve you and your family well over time.

Enlist Your Advisor’s Assistance

Advisors spend their careers helping people save, invest, and plan for their financial futures. They want to help you plan for all the contingencies in life, including unfortunate ones such as being a victim of fraud. Ask your advisor questions about these regulations and ways you can safeguard your assets over your lifetime. When appropriate, include your family in these conversations so they understand your needs and wishes as you age.

But increasingly, Todd and Ellen are in the minority in living out a worry-free retirement. A household survey conducted by the Federal Reserve shows that, in 2010, only 31 percent of households were covered by a defined benefit pension plan like the one Todd and Ellen have. And that percent is declining. As of 2013, although 78 percent of workers in the public sector have pensions, only 18 percent of those in the private sector are covered by defined benefit plans. That’s down from 35 percent just two decades earlier. Many companies have switched to defined contribution plans—such as 401(k)s—in recent years, so greater numbers of future retirees won’t have the security of a monthly paycheck for life from a pension.

These statistics tell us that finances for many may be more challenging than for some in retirement now, like Todd and Ellen. How can couples successfully negotiate money in their retirement years

Spender and Savers

According to researchers at the University of Michigan, University of Pennsylvania, and Northwestern University, opposites really do attract, and that includes money matters: spenders really are attracted to savers.1 Jeff Motske, author of The Couple’s Guide to Financial Compatibility, says that spender-saver conflicts over money can escalate in retirement; once a spender is retired, there’s more time for leisure activities, and many cost money.

CAPTRUST Financial Advisor Catherine M. Seeber, CFP®, CeFT®, says most of the couples she works with embody the spender-saver dynamic. For example, Lynn, a golf lover who’s retired from her work in human resources, has been spending quite a few days on the greens and organizes women’s getaway golf weekends with friends. Husband John isn’t a golfer; he’s noticed that her outings have added a considerable amount to regular credit card expenses and worries that Lynn’s pastime has eroded their budget over the past year. Seeber has answers for this dilemma that, if left untended, could lead to major disagreements.

Analyze Income and Expenses

Seeber says to help couples get a handle on resolving the spender-saver conflict, first tackle the big picture: How much income and how much outflow are there? always runs the numbers to provide couples with how much income they’re bringing in from all sources and then subtracts from that all of the expense and liability information that they’ve shared. She then asks them this question: “Is there any money left over at the end of the year?” If the numbers show that they should have had $20,000 left over at the year’s end but have nothing to show for it, such as reinvesting it or purchasing a new car, a deeper dive into where it was spent may be in order. Most likely, there are expenses unaccounted for, and they can begin sharing what those are, with no judgment attached.

In Lynn and John’s case, Lynn agreed to cut back golf to two days a week. Redirecting that expenditure, Lynn and John agreed to spend that money on more getaways to improve the quality of their together time. Seeber emphasized to John, who’s the saver, that it’s important to be willing to spend money on a treat like this so that the couple enjoys retirement together.

Set a Discretionary Limit

Each couple should have some discretionary money within the monthly budget, says Seeber—the maximum amount could be from $100 to $1,000 or several thousand, depending on the couple’s resources. That way, the spender knows he or she can spend the discretionary money, but there is a ceiling. Couples usually compromise on what’s realistic once they see where they are financially. Having discretionary spending limits helps both spender and saver experience freedom with boundaries.

Compromise and Negotiate

Compromise and negotiation are the golden rules for a happy retirement. Many couples have very different ideas about their retirement lifestyle but come to a compromise on their own once they know what they can afford. For example, Kathy and Art lived in the Chicago suburbs raising their children, but Art always wanted to live someplace warmer, while Kathy wanted to be near the grandchildren in retirement. She was happy staying in the same town to be close to their grandchildren but wanted a smaller house with less maintenance. Art explored condos in Florida but wasn’t sure it was wise to purchase, considering condo fees and rising prices. While researching real estate, Art found a great community with monthly rentals.

Kathy, knowing Art loves warm weather and the beach, agreed to vacation in Florida during the winter months. The couple now ends up spending three months each year there, escaping winter’s snow and salt. They enjoy biking and going to the beach without the expense of a large initial outlay and then having to maintain two residences. Art and Kathy say they have the best of both worlds. This arrangement enables them to stay close to their grandchildren for much of the year, while enjoying their Florida getaway during Chicago winters. Compromise on both Kathy’s and Art’s part enabled this happy ending.

Helping Adult Children

Helping retired couples navigate the amount and type of aid to give to adult children and grandchildren is another common issue Seeber handles in her role as financial advisor. Unfortunately, “it’s very unusual to be on same page on how much assistance to give a child,” says Seeber, noting that this is a tough issue but one that can be resolved. She has the couple first talk through their expectation for that child in the privacy of their home, even listing the various options—“if we provide this much support, then we expect this to happen.” Often one spouse wants to step in significantly, and one doesn’t.

If it’s a question of an adult child moving back home, “you can reach a compromise with stipulations,” says Seeber. Have your child show proof that it’s not meant to be a permanent move-in by signing a lease or contract along with other provisions related to steps to producing enough income to be able to move out. When appropriate, Seeber can provide resources to the adult child such as ways to consolidate debt and tips on job hunting.

It’s All about Planning

Seeber recommends making an appointment with your financial advisor for the next year during your current meeting. That way, you don’t forget this important checkup. Your advisor helps you set a target for withdrawals for the year, and unless circumstances change drastically, following the plan provides a roadmap. This way, spenders are automatically reined in by the data. And savers are reassured that they aren’t breaking the budget in taking that vacation to Italy once they’ve priced it out and see that it fits within the amount they’ve budgeted for the year.

1Kiplinger. Older couples face money battles.

It’s not a new way to invest—endowments, foundations, and large pension plans have been investing their consciences for decades—but there has been a lot of buzz about environmental, social, and governance (ESG) investing in recent years. In fact, assets in ESG equity and fixed income strategies have ballooned over the past ten years. According to the US SIF Foundation, of the $40.3 trillion of assets under management in the U.S. in 2016, $8.1 trillion was invested in ESG portfolios. That growth represents a 30 percent increase from $6.57 trillion in 2014.

If you read ten articles on the topic, you’ll likely come away with at least seven descriptions of what it is. So what exactly is ESG investing? No uniform definition exists, but at its heart, ESG investing is an investment methodology that allows an investor to apply a set of criteria that aligns portfolio investments with the investor’s ethical considerations or values. Many investors use environmental, social, or governance factors to evaluate potential investments. And since ESG criteria are based upon corporate attributes, they apply to both stocks and bonds issued by a company.

Digging a Little Deeper

ESG investing originated in the 1960s and was then known as socially responsible investing. At the time, many institutional investors were looking to exclude specific companies or entire industries—such as companies involved in cigarette production or doing business with the South African apartheid regime—from their portfolios. Some investors use other terms, such as sustainable investing, impact investing, and mission-related investing, which are used either as synonyms or represent specific flavors of ESG investing. Regardless of the nomenclature, a common theme is their focus on generating both financial and nonfinancial returns.

Let’s take a closer look at environmental, social, and governance criteria:

Environmental. Environmental criteria examine how a company performs as a steward of natural resources and the environment. This may include, among others, the following factors:

Social. Social criteria screen based upon how a company manages its relationships with employees, suppliers, customers, and the communities where it operates. Examples include:

Governance. Governance deals with a company’s leadership, executive pay, audits and internal controls, and shareholder rights. Examples of governance factors include:

What constitutes an acceptable set of ESG criteria for an investor varies and depends on that investor’s beliefs and ethics—whether the investor is an organization, such as a nonprofit, or an individual. Some focus on a short list of specific issues like carbon emissions and energy efficiency, while others take a broader view that incorporates factors from all three sets of criteria.

Several organizations have created guidelines for what constitutes ESG best practices. One such organization is the Sustainability Accounting Standards Board (SASB). This nonprofit has developed accounting standards and disclosures for public corporations to release materially important ESG information for investors. In addition, index and data providers like MSCI and Morningstar now provide investors with ESG portfolio scoring and benchmarks. And several service providers have created proprietary scoring systems that rate companies on their exposure or commitment to ESG-related factors.

If you’re comparing potential investments, it’s important to note that the specific factors vary from group to group, so understanding the underlying methodology is critical.

Implementing ESG Strategies

To the extent an investor wishes to incorporate ESG factors into his or her portfolio, it can be accomplished in several ways. Three of the most common methods can be used to address different goals.

Exclusionary screening is the predominant form of ESG investing and, as the name suggests, is an approach that excludes companies with undesirable ESG characteristics from an investment manager’s opportunity set. This approach is typically best suited for investors primarily concerned about not supporting companies with operations or values that are antithetical to their missions or priorities. For example, a church-linked nonprofit foundation may use exclusionary screening to avoid companies engaged in gambling, tobacco, or other activities against their values. Exclusionary screening can be used by investors that employ a zero-tolerance approach to specific factors such as coal extraction and weapons manufacturing.

Often, exclusionary mandates are implemented in separate accounts, where an investment manager builds a customized portfolio for an ESG investor. While separate accounts provide the flexibility and customization necessary, they can be relatively expensive at low asset levels and are primarily used by institutional investors.

Thematic investing strategies pool the assets of multiple, like-minded investors to create leverage that can be used to influence the corporate policy related to ESG issues. Thematic investing can be accomplished by mutual fund and exchange-traded fund asset managers. Common themes for ESG fund managers include specific factors like religious values, gender diversity, and low carbon emissions, as well as the three ESG themes more broadly. These funds can be cost-effective solutions for investors whose ethical considerations or missions align with these funds.

ESG integration includes ESG factors alongside traditional financial and risk management measures to create portfolios. ESG integration is a recent advancement and is causing many asset managers to build out research capabilities to support it. Investors should expect major investment firms to tout these capabilities as they are refined in the future.

Investment Challenges

Investors should always weigh the potential benefits of an investment strategy against the risks and considerations. And ESG investing carries with it a few additional considerations or challenges that require study. For example, investors should consider:

The current state of the art for ESG investing provides a range of approaches for implementing strategies tailored to an investor’s very specific goals. Despite the inherent complexities and a number of practical challenges, ESG investing is growing dramatically as more institutional and individual investors look for ways to align their portfolios with their values. If you’re interested in learning more about ESG investing and how it can play a role for your organization, please contact your CAPTRUST financial advisor.

In 2012, Sara Kushwara, a 36-year-old teacher from Connecticut, moved to Istanbul, Turkey, to teach English. She found herself living in a hectic city where she heard the call to prayer five times a day mixed with the sound of cars, boats, protestors, and pedestrians pushing carts down ancient cobblestone streets. She realized she needed to find composure in the chaos around her. It was this realization that led her to meditation.

Kushwara hadn’t lived in Istanbul long before some new friends invited her to join a meditation group. This was a life-changing experience for her and the answer to quieting the chaos. After most meditation sessions she felt calm, cleansed, and grounded. Sitting in a chair with her eyes closed for 45 minutes a day while concentrating on her posture and breathing allowed her to become more focused. It made it easier to deal with the excitement and obligations that were now part of her daily routine.

Kushwara moved back to the U.S. a couple years ago and continues to meditate every day. While the frenzy of living in a foreign city may not exist for her anymore, she is now married with a one-year-old son. And despite never having enough hours in the day, she still makes meditation a priority. She sometimes uses an app on her phone to connect with fellow meditators. For as long as it works for her as a tool to escape the stresses life creates, she will continue to meditate.

Medical and Mental Benefits

For many, the thought of meditation conjures up ideas of spirituality. And, in fact, many who meditate believe they are enriching their souls. But what about the medical benefits a person can gain from meditation?

Ram Ramabhadran, a retired molecular biologist living in Raleigh, North Carolina, joined a meditation group hoping it would help with his feelings of irritation and anxiety. Since he began his journey into meditation, he has been able to find patience through mindfulness meditation. He now sleeps better and lives a more peaceful life.

As a man of science, he feels the cause and effect of daily, guided meditation sessions. He suggests that, to experience all meditation has to offer, one needs to make it part of a daily routine.

Medical professionals continue to study how the brain benefits by simply giving it a rest. According to Dr. Gayatri Devi, neurologist and author of A Calm Brain, while it doesn’t work for everyone, meditation can be a bottom-up alternative to prescription drugs for treating a number of illnesses. In fact, she believes drugs have not solved the problem of depression, and more people than ever are complaining of insomnia and anxiety.

Studies at the University of Wisconsin show that experienced meditators have much higher levels of activity in the section of the brain that processes positive emotions and less activity in the areas associated with anxiety, depression, and other negative emotions.

In addition to helping people with anxiety, depression, and insomnia, a study published in the journal Perceptual Motor Skills found meditators exhibited a higher IQ and improved academic performance, more accurate perception, improved creativity and problem solving, improved focus and memory, improved job satisfaction and job performance, and improved athletic performance due to faster reaction time, increased energy, and endurance.

Those who meditate daily usually have a sacred spot in their home they turn to for respite. It is often a quiet spot where there is little likelihood of being interrupted. Avoiding work spaces that can draw focus to unfinished tasks or items requiring attention is also a way to distance oneself from possible disruptions.

But, as beneficial as daily meditation can be, sometimes people feel the need for more of an immersion. In today’s world, there are endless distractions vying for our attention and, at times, they can seem impossible to tune out. Whether it is the constant buzz of electronics, politics, work, or family, meditation retreats are becoming a popular way for people to learn to live in the moment and assist in blocking out the noise.

Getting Away from It All

Determining how you want to learn—or continue your progress in the art of meditation if you are already an experienced meditator—is the first step in the journey to self-discovery. There are so many options when it comes to selecting the right retreat, it is beneficial to break the options down.

Those who are looking for a complete escape with a touch of adventure might attend retreats that offer outdoor activities in addition to guided group meditation sessions. Exploring nature through physical exercise combined with meditation can be just what some people need to release tension and experience a deeper calm.

One such retreat is The Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California. This quintessential meditation retreat, complete with 120 acres of land, sits between mountain and ocean, with a cascading canyon stream and hot mineral springs. It is an environment seemingly made for a spiritual awakening. The Esalen runs as a nonprofit organization, offering meditation workshops for beginners as well as experienced meditators. While not meditating, guests can take nature hikes, surf or kayak in the ocean, or enjoy breathtaking views while running along the Pacific Coast Highway.

Packages range from a weekend stay in a communal lodge for $420 to seven days in a premium single room for $3,555.

Where Silence Is Golden

Seekers of a deeper self-awareness and more intimate meditation sessions might want to look for a retreat that offers what is called noble silence. Places with a silence policy believe that, by avoiding the chatter, you increase awareness and simplify life. At most retreats of this kind, guided sessions where talking is encouraged are conducted, so it is not as though participants must remain quiet their entire visit. These retreats put a strong emphasis on personal transformation.

Rolling Meadows in Brooks, Maine, is located off a dirt road in a restored 1840s New England farmhouse. Quaint as it may be, it sits on a vast property of 100 acres, 15 miles from the coastal town of Belfast. The eponymous rolling meadows create the perfect environment to help one discover balance.

This retreat not only prescribes to noble silence, it also prohibits technology, which Surya-Chandra Das—one of Rolling Meadows’ teachers—believes has become an addiction. Its goal in having no-speaking and no-technology policies is to remove external stimulation and distractions to help participants slow down while nurturing them through a contemplative healing process that rejuvenates their minds, bodies, and spirits. After all, the quieter you become, the more you can hear.

Packages range from two to six nights and start at $495 per person and go up to $1,250.

Pampering Your Mind and Body

Meditators wanting to feel rejuvenated with a certain level of pampering may want to explore a spa-meditation experience at a retreat that includes such amenities as massages, yoga, and facials.

The Mii amo in Sedona, Arizona, is a destination spa whose red rock backdrop will inspire all who attend. Mii amo curates its retreats to help guests find balance and inner harmony. The resort offers services ranging from massages, body wraps, and skincare to fitness, yoga, and meditation classes. The retreat’s unique location and services are sure to suit anyone seeking ways to renew body and mind.

All-inclusive packages for three, four, and seven nights start at $2,454 and go up to $10,620. Spa treatments are included in each option.

While retreats vary, most use the beauty and peace of their natural landscape as a means of establishing the beauty and peace within. They also place an emphasis on healthy nutrition; many include farm-to-table, vegetarian, vegan, and organic meal options in their packages.

Regardless of how you practice meditation—at home in a quiet spot or at a posh resort—the medical and spiritual benefits can be powerful. Remember what Buddha said: “A disciplined mind brings happiness.”

Falling in love and getting married is a wonderful experience. When we are young and optimistic about our futures, we are often naïve about what spending the rest of our lives with another person entails. Many couples don’t realize the financial challenges they will face. But the second time you decide to tie the knot, you are wiser. And often your financial situation is more complex. You realize that money can be a source of marital conflict and a contributor to divorce. You want to avoid making the same money mistakes from your first marriage. But how do you initiate these conversations, and what topics should you address?

Jon faced this dilemma when he decided to propose to Charlene. The couple met when they were both volunteering for a church organization that builds houses for families in need. Jon, an accomplished surgeon, made over $1 million a year and recently divorced. Charlene came from a middle-class background and had never been married. Once they got engaged, she sensed that Jon’s four adult children were skeptical of their relationship. Because she didn’t want to be seen as a gold digger, Charlene avoided talking about money and encouraged Jon to leave all his assets to his children. Jon reluctantly agreed with this plan without fully realizing the impact on her long-term financial well-being.

Lucky for Jon, CAPTRUST Financial Advisor Catherine M. Seeber, CFP®, CeFT®, was his trusted advisor. She helped the couple engage in a series of premarital money conversations and develop a plan for Jon to take care of his children and his new wife upon his death. According to Seeber, “The couple decided that philanthropy was important and that they wanted their resources to go to Jon’s children to support their lives now. I helped the couple create a family foundation where the entire family could get involved and use their wealth to support the causes they all believed in.” In the end, this shared philanthropic activity strengthened the bonds between Jon, Charlene, and the next generation.

While your situation may be different than Jon and Charlene’s, the need for an open and honest dialogue about money is paramount for setting the stage for a healthy relationship. This will allow you and your partner to be clear about your expectations and help both of you communicate your plans to the next generation.

Share Your Money Mindsets

Every person has automatic thoughts and beliefs about money and wealth—called money mindsets—and these attitudes impact saving, spending, investing, and gifting behaviors. A great way to start a financial dialogue with your partner is to ask about his or her money mindset. Questions to get the conversation rolling include:

The discussion that ensues will help you uncover each other’s mindsets and understand the rationale behind your financial habits.

When discussing money mindsets, it is vital to listen more than you talk. Fight the urge to interject your ideas until your partner is done answering each question. Then, once he or she has had a chance to share, you can share yours.

The goal of this conversation is to identify similarities and differences in your perspectives. When Jon and Charlene shared their money mindsets, they identified the shared value of charitable giving and their differing attitudes toward wealth. They could then use these insights to work with their advisor to develop a financial and estate plan that honored their individual and joint mindsets.

Consider a Prenuptial Agreement

The odds of a couple splitting up are high in the U.S., with 50 percent of first marriages and 67 percent of second marriages ending in divorce. When you remarry, you don’t anticipate another breakup, but the statistics are not on your side. Therefore, signing a prenuptial agreement often makes good financial sense.

A prenuptial agreement is a document that summarizes how you will handle your finances during your marriage and in the event of a divorce. (A postnuptial agreement is a very similar document that is signed after a couple gets legally married.) If you have children from a previous marriage or have significant assets or family wealth, prenuptial agreements protect your children and your wealth should your marriage end prior to your death. They are drafted with the guidance of an attorney, often with input from a financial advisor.

Many people buy into the myth that if a couple has a prenuptial agreement, the marriage is destined to fail. The truth is that disclosing your financial history and assets to your future spouse is valuable, and the dialogues that result are worthwhile.

Robert, a business owner and divorcee, found that his relationship with his second wife benefited greatly from this experience. “We had the hard discussions. We didn’t sweep money and finances under the rug. Through the process, we educated each other about how we thought and felt about money, and I feel far better to have had the experience than not,” he says.

Review Your Estate Plan

One of the trickiest issues a couple faces when blending families is estate planning. How will each partner’s assets be transferred to the children from previous marriages? Will it be similar or different than how the wealth is transferred to any offspring from the new marriage? Will the surviving partner from the second marriage inherit the family home, or will other provisions be made to ensure his or her financial stability?

These are not easy questions, but they are important issues for couples to discuss and think through carefully. Since state and tax laws vary, it is important to consult with an estate attorney and a financial advisor to run different scenarios so you can make the best decision for your family.

CAPTRUST Financial Advisor Mike Molewski, CFP®, ChFC®, works with couples in collaboration with an estate attorney to determine the best vehicles to use to accomplish a couple’s goals. It may involve setting up a trust, retitling assets, or using insurance proceeds to pass on wealth. His recommendation is to “focus the estate planning discussion on the transfer of assets, and avoid making it personal.”

When Warren and Betsy planned to marry, they both had children from a previous marriage. Warren wanted to make sure Betsy was taken care of in the event of his death but didn’t want to rewrite his trust. The solution was to take out a life insurance policy with Betsy as the sole beneficiary. This created a future income stream for his new spouse and allowed his adult children to keep their inheritances intact.

Decide How to Manage Your Money

It is important to take time to talk with your future partner about the when, where, how, and why of your financial life together. For example, if you have children from a previous marriage, how does your new spouse feel about paying for expenses related to their care? If you own several real estate properties, will you jointly cover the property taxes, or will you pay this expense individually?

There are no right or wrong ways to manage money in your marriage—only the method that works for both of you. The key to success is being proactive and thinking through how to cover day-to-day expenses before they become a source of conflict.

When Justine married her second husband, Sean, she owned several rental properties and a primary residence. While Sean was willing to split the household expenses for the home they would share together, he was reluctant to take on the burden associated with her rental properties. After discussing the matter, the couple agreed that Justine would retain sole ownership of her rental properties and realize the income and incur the expenses associated with this real estate. They signed a prenuptial agreement that clearly spelled out this arrangement and how the assets would remain in Justine’s possession should their marriage end in a divorce.

Review Your Plan Annually

The decisions you make initially may change over time. You may be still hurting from the breakup of your first marriage or uncertain how your new blended family will gel. As CAPTRUST Financial Advisor Donn A. Johnston Jr., CFP®, said, “What is right at the beginning of the partnership isn’t necessarily right five years after the marriage.” Therefore, making a pact with your second spouse to review your initial financial and estate planning decisions annually, or at least every few years, makes sense.

Getting married again is a leap of faith that involves many decisions, especially if you and your second spouse are blending two homes into one. It is important to acknowledge the complicated family dynamics, thoughtfully discuss money matters, and realize that everyone is going through a transition. Be wise and consult with your financial advisor, estate attorney, and the members of your family. Taking action today will help you live happily ever after tomorrow.

These stories should not be construed as an endorsement, reference, or comment from any client regarding the quality of investment advisory services CAPTRUST provides.

On April 10, 2012, U.S. Army Staff Sergeant Travis Mills was leading an 82nd Airborne squad searching for weapons at an outback post near Kandahar. It was his third deployment to Afghanistan.

The area had been swept for explosives and found clear. Except it wasn’t. Mills set his pack down on an improvised explosive device that had gone undetected. In an instant, life as Mills had known it was torn apart, and life itself was not a given.

Three paratroopers were injured in the blast. In the words of platoon commander Zack Lewis, “One was minor, one was severe, and one was simply beyond words.” The latter was Mills. Medics rushed in and started applying tourniquets. Mills told them to attend to the others, because they actually had a chance of surviving.

“I thought it was a waste of their time, and it would all be over soon anyway, so it’s OK,” said Mills. “Then it kind of hit me. I might not see my daughter. I might not wake up to see my wife again.”

Medics worked to stabilize him in the field, and Mills was airlifted to a medical base where teams worked around the clock to keep him alive. Four days later, on his 25th birthday, he learned the extent of his injuries. He had lost portions of both legs and both arms. He is one of only five quadruple amputees to survive the Iraq and Afghanistan wars.

The Long Road Back

Mills doesn’t sugarcoat the months of recovery that followed, first in Germany and then at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland.

He worried about comrades left behind. He worried his infant daughter, Chloe, would see him as a monster and scream. He felt he should give his wife the house, the bank account, and the freedom to pursue a life with an able-bodied husband. “That’s not the way this works,” Kelsey Mills had replied. She remains his rock.

To Mills’ surprise, Chloe cuddled with him like he was any dad. “I have short arms, short legs, and a fuzzy chest; I guess to her I look like a teddy bear,” he quips.

After some dark days, the path ahead came down to a conscious choice. “I could either will myself to die, or I could press forward and live,” Mills said. If his wife was going to stay, and his six-month-old daughter was going to smile and giggle at him, he had to choose to move forward.

Recovery came with excruciating pain from nerves trying to find limbs that were no longer there. After failing to control the pain with ever-higher doses of painkillers, his doctors took a radical step. They put him in a ketamine-induced coma, only the second time this had ever been done in the U.S. High doses of the drug would allow the brain to reset to understand where nerves now end.

After five days in a coma came the hallucinations. Chasing kids who had stolen from Walmart. On patrol with Genghis Khan. Escaping from a SWAT team. Riding skateboards with cousins in a reality TV show. Mills admits that the 50-year-old go-go dancer he saw crawling down the halls of Walter Reed was probably a service dog.

Ultimately, the therapy helped manage the pain enough that Mills could make rehabilitation his full-time job. Determined to be independent, he made remarkable progress. He took his first steps on prostheses less than two months after his injuries.

From Hallucinations to Dreams

As his recovery progressed, the perennially upbeat Mills inspired fellow veterans at Walter Reed and earned the nickname “Mayor of Building 62,” the warrior transition building.

“I saw the doctors at Walter Reed doing such great things; Kelsey and I decided we wanted to give back,” said Mills.

In November 2013, after 19 months, Mills was ready for a new chapter as a “recalibrated warrior” ready to pay it forward. A trip to a veterans retreat in Colorado showed Mills the restorative power of adaptive sports and sparked a vision to provide a similar opportunity in their new home state of Maine, with one key difference. Mills knew Kelsey and Chloe were central to his recovery; his retreat would include whole families, not just veterans.

Thus, the nonprofit Travis Mills Foundation was born. It started with small programs—bringing one family at a time to Maine to show them how to live more fully through adaptive activities. “Then we did another one, and it went so well we thought we should buy a property,” Mills said.

In March 2015, the foundation bought the 1929 summer home of cosmetics mogul Elizabeth Arden in Rome, Maine. The former Maine Chance Lodge had fallen into disrepair. The project would require millions: $1.1 million to purchase and $2.5 million to renovate it to be fully accessible.

An outpouring of support totaling $2.5 million in cash and in-kind gifts from corporations, foundations, and individuals helped make the dream a reality.

Today the 11,000-square-foot facility on 17 acres features eight suites that can accommodate eight families a week—up to 40 people per session. There are comfortable communal areas, including a library, movie theater, dining room, and outside patios. The entire property is fully accessible for guests with amputations and spinal cord injuries.

A Blockbuster First Season

The Travis Mills Foundation Veterans Retreat opened its doors to the first eight families in June 2017. Their expenses were covered by the foundation through generous donations and sponsorships.

The first eight weeks were so successful that four more sessions were added, extending into December, ultimately serving 89 veterans and their families from 27 states. The season concluded with veterans who had also been hit by Hurricanes Harvey and Irma, including some families that had never seen snow.

Summer and fall guests have an array of choices: archery, equine therapy, paddleboarding, kayaking, pontoon boat rides, tubing, fishing, swimming, hiking, yoga, martial arts, golf, cycling, disc golf, a ropes course, massage therapy, arts and crafts, cooking classes, wine tastings, and more. Winter sessions make use of the lake in a new way, adding ice fishing, sled hockey, and snowshoeing.

One family included four children ranging from 1 to 16 years old. The father has amputations on both legs, plus nerve damage in his hands. Traveling with a family of six is tough enough without mobility challenges. During their stay, the daughters ran up to Mills and exclaimed, “This is better than Disneyland!”—high praise from teenagers.

“An action-packed but overwhelmingly laid-back atmosphere”

That’s how one veteran described the experience. Activity-based programming keeps participants busy and entertained at their own pace, and helps families return to an active lifestyle together.

“These men and women who have been through so much—amputation, paralyzation, spinal cord injuries—can still do things with their families instead of living life on the sidelines,” said Mills. “They come here, they’re comfortable, they build a network, they have someone to lean on, to reach out to, to believe in, to understand they’re like them. And the kids can run around and say, ‘You know what, my dad has one leg and one arm missing, but this dad has two legs missing, and he can still do things.’ That’s pretty cool.”

“This is a place where veterans don’t have to worry about barriers, they won’t get stared at for their disabilities, they’re around people who really know what they’re going through, and where nobody freaks out if you fall out of a kayak,” said Mills.

With the help of partners such as Maine Adaptive Sports, Pure Country Stables, and Project Healing Waters Fly Fishing, outdoor equipment has been modified to accommodate users with a range of upper and lower limb abnormalities.

For example, a special ramp and dock system eases the process of getting into a kayak, said program director Kelly McGaughey, DPT. McGaughey was a physical therapist at Walter Reed for seven years before joining the Travis Mills Foundation. “We have different straps, hooks, weights, padding, and more to ensure that everybody is comfortable, functional, and safe in the equipment.”

The Definition of Success

In reviews and thank-you notes, participants rave about the volunteers and staff, the food, the beautiful setting, and the relaxed ambience. But the most profound and pervasive theme is the way the retreat fosters connection, hope, and renewal.

“Getting to know others who are in a very similar position gives you more insight into how to handle your own challenges,” wrote former Marine Lance Corporal Kendall Bane of Huntsville, Alabama. “These connections are what get me through rough days.”

“What I got from the retreat was a sense of relaxation, camaraderie, serenity, and a loving, caring environment,” said Mark Owens of Leland, North Carolina. “There was never worry about how to navigate the grounds, and the activities were very well thought out to eliminate the stress.”

“The peace that came over me, the time with other wives and veterans is indescribable,” Cynthia Karels wrote on the foundation’s Facebook page. “We do lose faith. We do question why our loved one, why my husband? The way Travis spoke with us was just uplifting, fun, and lighthearted, with joy, a smile, and a few tricks he taught our kids that helped lift that tension.”

“I had a bad day at the office.”

Mills, 30, doesn’t spend much time looking back, and he’s not about to slow down. He intends to operate the Maine retreat 40 to 45 weeks a year to serve 1,600 to 2,000 veterans and their families. He continues to seek corporate partnerships to sponsor a family, capital improvement, or a program.

He is positioning the foundation to be a resource hub for the 126,000 veterans who call Maine home. A longer-term vision is to open one or two similar facilities in other parts of the country and expand to support Vietnam-era veterans. And he spends about 170 days a year on the road as a motivational speaker, inspiring others to overcome adversity, get off the sidelines, and get into the action.

Why press on so hard when life has hand-delivered an excuse to sit it out? Family, for one. In September, Mills became a father for a second time, welcoming a son, Dax. The name pays tribute to Daniel and Alexander, two medics who saved Mills’ life in Afghanistan.

The second is duty—honoring those who gave all, by giving back. “I know guys who didn’t make it back home to their families, and I did,” Mills said. “My situation is not life-ending. My situation is I just have a couple more steps in the morning. Put my arm on. Put my legs on. I’m thankful to still be here. Through all the smoke and the dirt and the dust, it’s all settled now, and I’m living life to the fullest and doing the best I can to make sure people understand that life goes on—and to never, ever give up, and to never quit.”

As you rush to work, run to pick up the kids, or scramble to make dinner, retirement may seem like a far-off dream. Or maybe you try to talk to your partner about planning for the future, only to end up in a fight about how much to save now so you can enjoy life later. You delay this money conversation hoping that, in time, it will get easier. The truth is that waiting can be detrimental to achieving a secure future. So the time to talk about retirement is now.

The unpleasant truth is that 31 percent of Americans have no retirement savings or pensions at all.1 Others have started saving for retirement but are unrealistic about how much they will need to live comfortably during their golden years. Almost half of couples report having no idea how much they will need to save to maintain their current lifestyle in retirement. Another 47 percent of partners disagree about the amount of money they will need to do so.2

The good news is that working with a trusted financial advisor helps. More than 90 percent of baby boomers who work with an advisor have money saved for retirement. They report feeling better prepared for this life transition.3

As Aaron J. Morris, vice president and financial advisor at CAPTRUST in Des Moines, Iowa, explains, “Many people have the idea in their minds that they have not saved enough for retirement, and they will have to work forever. That assumption is often proven wrong once they take the time to sit down with an advisor.”

The reason many clients feel better is they have a time and place to have a meaningful conversation about both the financial and non-financial matters related to retirement from when, where, and how to retire to how much money they need to achieve their vision.

Whether you are currently working with an advisor or not, here are three steps to help you begin this important money talk.

Step 1: Identify Your Retirement Mindset

Every person has a retirement mindset. This is the set of thoughts and beliefs each of us has about this life transition. As with any mindset, family money experiences related to work and retirement have an influence. For example, if you grew up in a family business where the patriarch went to work every day until he died, you may want to emulate this person. Or you may want to avoid this fate because you saw firsthand how it affected the business and the family. Either way, your family history impacts how you envision this next phase of life.

Do the exercise on the right to help you tap into your mindset. This can be done in an advisory meeting or as a couple.

Review your answers. Look for insight into how your retirement mindset impacts your goals, dreams, or priorities. Then share your responses and observations with each other. Practice active listening by trying to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. The goal is to listen and understand each other — not to negotiate a compromise or convince your partner that your mindset is the right one.

By discussing your respective retirement mindsets, you avoid focusing on dollars and cents and can concentrate on how your motivations steer you toward similar or different financial decisions.

Step 2: Embrace Differences

Half of couples surveyed found that they disagree on their expected retirement age.4 And that’s only one part of the retirement puzzle. Expect to find some areas where you don’t see eye to eye. Instead of viewing these as problematic, see them as opportunities to get to know your partner better.

For example, if you can’t wait to quit your day job, but your partner wants to work part-time, find out why. Ask open-ended questions, and discover what makes working important to him or her. Often the retirement goal or activity is different, but the value each of you is honoring is the same. Work may give your partner a creative outlet, while not working may provide you time to pursue your creative interests.

Expect conflicts to arise during retirement planning. Discussing these matters before transitioning to retirement is ideal. This way a plan can be put into place that incorporates individual and joint goals. So don’t avoid conflict; embrace it.

Step 3: Expect Mixed Emotions

Planning for this life transition can bring mixed feelings. At times you may feel excited and joyful; other times, fearful and anxious. For women, the emotional side of planning can be more pronounced. Women worry about running out of money in retirement or becoming a burden to their children.5 Healthcare costs are a concern for both genders. Nearly three-quarters of couples fret about being able to afford unexpected healthcare costs.6

When discussing retirement planning, expect and validate feelings that arise. Don’t judge a partner for having more intense feelings than your own. Respect each other’s experiences — even if they are at odds. An empathetic advisor can be helpful at this stage by acknowledging the non-financial aspects to retirement and developing a plan that addresses these emotions. According to Morris, “Our job is to help our clients maintain a healthy perspective while validating their concerns and anxieties.”

Like most money conversations, talking about retirement is not a one-time event. Instead, it is a series of conversations that happen over months, years, or even decades. It is easy to let daily life get in the way of looking ahead. But make a commitment to yourself and your family, and start the retirement money talk today.

Sources

1 Economic Well-Being of U.S. Households in 2014, Board of Governors
Federal Reserve System, May 2015.

2 Fidelity Investments Couples Retirement Study, Fidelity Investments, 2015.

3 Boomer Expectations for Retirement 2015, Insured Retired Institute, April 2015.

4 Fidelity Investments.

5 Women, Money and Power Study: Empowered and Underserved, Allianz, 2013.

6 Fidelity Investments.

Sometimes a glimmer of hope emerges from the darkest times of people’s lives. Such was the case for the Eure family of Raleigh, North Carolina.

Alice and Thad Eure Jr. were living the American dream in the 1950s and 1960s. Thad was an entrepreneur with a gift for starting restaurants. In 1960, he and a partner opened the Angus Barn, a large upscale steakhouse restaurant on the outskirts of Raleigh, and later they created Darryl’s, a casual dining restaurant chain. Thad also started the 42nd Street Oyster Bar and Fat Daddy’s, a burger concept.

The Eures had two beautiful, intelligent daughters, Van and Shelley, and a bright, athletic son, Thad J. Eure III. But in 1975, their teenage son started showing signs of mental illness, going through manic highs and extreme lows, says his sister Shelley Eure Belk.

“It was severe. We didn’t know what was going on. It was a scary time for our family. My mom and dad went to seek help for him, and in that process, they realized how little was known about mental illness,” she says.

“Through these struggles, I remember my mother poring through books and trying to learn as much as she could. My parents worked hard to find the right treatment,” Shelley says.

Over 10 years, the couple took their son to different physicians. He was hospitalized numerous times and spent time in seven different mental institutions. Doctors struggled with his diagnosis and told the family that more research needed to be done on mental illness, says Van Eure, owner of the Angus Barn.

He was later diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder and schizoaffective disorder. The latter is a chronic mental health condition characterized by symptoms of schizophrenia, such as hallucinations or delusions and symptoms of a mood disorder, such as mania and depression.

In 1984, the Eures established the Foundation of Hope for Research and Treatment of Mental Illness, which funds research to investigate the causes and potential treatments for a range of serious, debilitating mental illnesses, such as depression, schizophrenia, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress syndrome, addiction, and women’s mood disorders, including postpartum depression, says Shelley, who is executive director of the foundation.

Today, Thad III, who lives on his own, is under the care of a psychiatrist. He still struggles with the ups and downs that come with his illnesses. In a 2013 letter to foundation donors, he said that after the hospitalizations of his young adult years, his parents “reached a state of helplessness, hopelessness, frustration, and desperation.” But out of the “dark abyss came a fragile and delicate ray of light.”

Van says their dad wanted the foundation’s work to help others. “He said, ‘I may not be able to make my own son well, but I may be able to do something for other people who may be going through the same thing.’”

The foundation encourages scientists in the department of psychiatry at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine to submit research project ideas. The foundation’s scientific advisory board decides which will receive grants and awards money to pilot studies. “There are so many brilliant researchers with great ideas who need the opportunity to explore their theories,” Shelley says. This often leads to other opportunities for funding.

Since inception, the foundation has funded more than 125 scientific research grants totaling more than $4.7 million. And projects backed by the foundation have garnered more than $145 million in additional funding from the federal government and other sources, she says. “That’s the beauty of our organization. We are planting seeds.”

The research supported by the foundation is “quite remarkable,” says Dr. David Rubinow, chair of UNC’s department of psychiatry. “There are new forms of treatment, new targets of treatment, and new treatment delivery systems—all of which have emerged from grants that were initially supported by the Foundation of Hope.”

Steve Thanhauser, Van’s husband and a member of the foundation’s board of directors, says the group has backed the work of “cutting-edge researchers who are passionate about coming up with breakthrough cures.”

The nonprofit organization has also funded 36 community grants totaling more than $300,000 to support effective mental health treatment programs in the Raleigh area, Shelley says.

Although the foundation was established as an endowment from the Eures, it has grown into something bigger.

Before their father died of pancreatic cancer in 1988, he asked that any donations made in his honor go to mental health research, not cancer studies. He told his family, “I’ve lived a wonderful life, but the life my son’s living is not the kind of life anyone should have to live.”

His friends took his request to heart. The year after his death, a group of employees at the Angus Barn and his other restaurants started the Thad Eure Jr. Walk for Hope to raise awareness and money for the foundation. About 200 participants earned about $30,000 in the first walk, which stretched 12 miles from the Angus Barn to the 42nd Street Oyster Bar in downtown Raleigh.

After Alice Eure died in 1997, the name of the annual event, held the second Sunday of October, was changed to the Thad and Alice Eure Walk (www.walkforhope.com). It’s now a 10K walk/run, which begins and ends at the Angus Barn where there’s a celebration that includes food, beverages, and prizes donated by companies who sponsor the event. In October, more than 4,000 people participated.

Those who come often talk about their family members who suffer from mental illness, Van says. “It’s an incredibly emotionally fulfilling day. There’s no way you can leave there and not feel good about what you’ve been part of.”

Besides the walk, the foundation hosts Evening of Hope, an annual gala and auction. Past speakers have included Mariel Hemingway; Judy Collins; Zak Williams, the son of the late Robin Williams; and Ashley Judd, who has openly talked about her struggles with depression.

In his letter to donors, Thad III wrote: “It is the philosophy of the Eure Family that if we can help just one individual who suffers from chronic mental illness lead a better, more productive and meaningful life, then we have done something very special.”

Shelley says the Foundation of Hope has become so successful because of its ability to stay the course and not get off track. “We have built this organization one research project at a time, one donor at a time, one walker at a time.”